Sentence 1

THE Sentence:
The man- and then with a little jolt of additional shock I realized that he wasn't a man, he was a teenager- not more than a year or so older than me.
from Marked by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

This sentence is very disorganized- which mirrors the thought process when one is caught in a shock- and doesn't make sense, unless you analyze the context of the sentence.

MY Sentence:
The child- and then with a falling sensation he rose from the bed, he checked the room- not more than a toddler or younger than an infant.